What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 15:29
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
What is it like to be a Christian in Iran?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why do wives cheat on their loyal husbands?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Fervo Energy lands $206M in financing to build massive geothermal power plant - TechCrunch
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Would this be the day?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Has anyone ever made you take off your shirt?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
What is your opinion about homosexuality? Do you think that it is by nature or a choice?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why do some films seem to date/age so badly?
I write beautiful poetry .
Comes on , in middle age.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Have you ever forcibly sucked someone’s dick?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
What did i know ?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why do people say "tall, dark, and handsome" when they actually mean "tall, white, and handsome"?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Ive learnt so much.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was 9 years of age.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And i lived it daily.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I never cut or harmed myself..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I said to her
So whats the point in blame.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was very sick at this time too.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But ive been too sick for many years..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But, we were locked up after school.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I have no regrets .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I think the readers, may guess!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
It was going to be , some day.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She found it foreign!.
This is soul school!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I waited trembling.
We were not on the streets..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Put me off passion for life!!
I was scared of men, in general
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She married twice! .
She was in good health!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My life is so biszare .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My family never makes their pension either.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I could never make a relationship work though!
All the time i was locked up.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He knew the spot.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We all went to grammer schools
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But it wasn’t much.
She loved him until the end.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Im still living with it.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
When she asked me how she looked .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She wouldn,t have been !
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I will be 64.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I don,t even have a pension.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One cannot live in the past .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Who then, do I blame.?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Especially a lifetime of it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He resisted the act ,that day.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was seconnd youngest,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..